facial hair

                  Facial hair is really cool. This is going to be my most intellectual blog ever. Look at history. Influential men like Abraham Lincoln and Jesus Christ had very gnarly beards going on. Personally my facial hair takes forever to grow, and I shaved everyday for nearly two months. It's no shave November so...
                  I think having facial hair is the next coolest thing to having a fro. I watched the movie Braveheart, and although Mel Gibson gave the most heartbreaking, inspired performance, he was clean shaven. Nearly every other man in that movie had cool facial hair. One kind of facial hair I've never understood is the Goatee. The moustache and beard are both tiny and they're connected by a sliver of hair next to the lip. It's very bizarre, but it works for Michael Wilbon and Rick Harrison.
                  I remember my weird facial hair at its fullest. Kind of a giant neck beard, a tiny bit of fuzz on my chin, a ridiculously small moustache, and sideburns a cat could lick off. It was awful in both shape and size. I'm embarassed I ever walked around with it. It was worse than my straightened hair.
                   I remember my dad shaved his head and that meant he didn't have any facial hair. Just a 5 o'clock shadow or some stubble. I'm one of those freaks of nature with really smooth skin. I look ten without a beard or burns. My face never has stubble or a 5 o'clock shadow, kind of like Conan O'Brien when he is without a beard.
                   Of course Tom Selleck has the most famous moustache in the world. The thing is glorious and probably has a mind of its own. I will probably never grow something that tremendous. For the love of the Beatles, him and Hulk Hogan are in another galaxy when it comes to all time moustach lists.
                   I must get serious for a moment. Females with facial hair. There are maybe two things creepier than that on this planet, and those things are Barbra Streisand and Paris Hilton. It just seems so unnatural to see a woman with a beard, burns, or a 'stach. That's obviously why women like that are often a circus act. It was either that or the city zoos! Maybe I'm being mean, but facial hair is for men only, I'm not sorry!!!
                   I believe facial hair is an underrated thing in this world. People don't appreciate it until its all gone. Keith Hernandez shaved his moustache promotionally for a Mets game, and everybody screamed bloody murder they were so shocked to see him without a fury friend underneath his nose. He's one of those guys who can never be without his facial hair, along with hasidic jews, Osama Bin Laden, and Fidel Castro. Facial hair isn't popular enough and I'm spreading the word: embrace the beards!!!