Time to Myself

                     I don't care who you are or how insecure you're nervous disorder might be, everybody loves a little alone time. As for me, I crave it 24/7. I enjoy people, but I do have misanthropic tendencies as demonstrated throughout this ever rambling blog. Tonight, I'm covering being an only child, people who are reclusive by nature, and basically how much fun the life of celibacy is.
                     Kourtney Kardashian once said she couldn't imagine life without her siblings, well I can't imagine life with them. For eight years, it's been JUST grandma and I. That leaves me to possess a majority of the TV time, all of the DVDs, and I get to eat huge quantities of food, as my waistline proves. Everytime I have to share anything with anyone, I become a standoffish jerk.
                     Al Pacino is an only child, curious given the godfather made his career and that movie was all about his character, his characters siblings, and the mafia. Daniel Radcliffe is also an only child, which made him a perfect fit for the role of Harry Potter, an orphaned only child. I suppose that role would have been really easy to play if it were me, Oliver Twist, Huckleberry Finn, or James Bond.
                    The Old Man and the Sea was a best selling, award winning book by noted loner Ernest Hemingway. It's all about this fisherman who goes on a solo fishing trip to catch a legendary Swordfish, rumored to be the size of a house. The book was a great example of the exciting adventures a man can have with no other human beings near him.
                    Many celebrities have famously been in a self imposed exile. Emily Dickinson, one of the most wonderfully imaginitive poets rarely left her house the last fifteen years of her life. Bill Watterson, creator of that flawless Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, rarely conducted interviews and hasn't been seen often since he stopped drawing the strip in 1995, after a mere ten years. I wonder what he thinks of todays comics. I don't think they're fit to lick Calvin and Hobbes' feet and paws.
                    I'd love to be a recluse by choice, but I'm not famous yet so nobody cares. Personally, I don't think people comprehend how important alone time is. I can safely say I love time to myself, but there's people out there who smother their spouses and children because they love compaionship and affection that much.
                    There are married couples who take seperate vacations, cough-cough Oprah, and the marriage is strong as it will ever be. It's perfectly healthy to need time for yourself, just don't do it too often. The Mrs. will suspect something smells. I love this life of luxurious self importance far too much to ever become attached to one woman for the rest of my life.
                     Those pricks on the internet like to make jokes about people who don't date, and those subpar romantic comedy films make it seem like a crime not to have a partner by age 30. I love the life of celibacy.
                     It means I don't have to worry about college funds, I don't need to fret about pleasing my wife in the bedroom, I wont require a constant checking of my credit card statements to make sure some god awful shoes or toys were purchased. I'm not a repsonsible, reliable, or trustworthy person. I'm better off alone, and I love it so everybody wins.
                     If ever in my life I may starve for a little playmate, I could get a dog. Maybe two, and call them Bo and Po, the former after my Dog from 5th grade, and the latter after the Kung Fu Panda. Also, both names rhyme with mine. No pride, all class, right? Anyway, better Dogs than a Cat, because cats are crabbier than my Uncle's sister. Besides, dogs bond for life and aren't too expensive, they only live 12-20 years anyway, so no Colleges. Sign me up for Dog ownership.

facial hair

                  Facial hair is really cool. This is going to be my most intellectual blog ever. Look at history. Influential men like Abraham Lincoln and Jesus Christ had very gnarly beards going on. Personally my facial hair takes forever to grow, and I shaved everyday for nearly two months. It's no shave November so...
                  I think having facial hair is the next coolest thing to having a fro. I watched the movie Braveheart, and although Mel Gibson gave the most heartbreaking, inspired performance, he was clean shaven. Nearly every other man in that movie had cool facial hair. One kind of facial hair I've never understood is the Goatee. The moustache and beard are both tiny and they're connected by a sliver of hair next to the lip. It's very bizarre, but it works for Michael Wilbon and Rick Harrison.
                  I remember my weird facial hair at its fullest. Kind of a giant neck beard, a tiny bit of fuzz on my chin, a ridiculously small moustache, and sideburns a cat could lick off. It was awful in both shape and size. I'm embarassed I ever walked around with it. It was worse than my straightened hair.
                   I remember my dad shaved his head and that meant he didn't have any facial hair. Just a 5 o'clock shadow or some stubble. I'm one of those freaks of nature with really smooth skin. I look ten without a beard or burns. My face never has stubble or a 5 o'clock shadow, kind of like Conan O'Brien when he is without a beard.
                   Of course Tom Selleck has the most famous moustache in the world. The thing is glorious and probably has a mind of its own. I will probably never grow something that tremendous. For the love of the Beatles, him and Hulk Hogan are in another galaxy when it comes to all time moustach lists.
                   I must get serious for a moment. Females with facial hair. There are maybe two things creepier than that on this planet, and those things are Barbra Streisand and Paris Hilton. It just seems so unnatural to see a woman with a beard, burns, or a 'stach. That's obviously why women like that are often a circus act. It was either that or the city zoos! Maybe I'm being mean, but facial hair is for men only, I'm not sorry!!!
                   I believe facial hair is an underrated thing in this world. People don't appreciate it until its all gone. Keith Hernandez shaved his moustache promotionally for a Mets game, and everybody screamed bloody murder they were so shocked to see him without a fury friend underneath his nose. He's one of those guys who can never be without his facial hair, along with hasidic jews, Osama Bin Laden, and Fidel Castro. Facial hair isn't popular enough and I'm spreading the word: embrace the beards!!!

Depression

                    They say all teenagers are depressed in some way, and I don't know why. Most don't experience real loss, real pain, real sorrow. I'm not that bad off, but I can't help but feel a lot of disgusting, eye rolling self pity. It's one of the many things I hate about myself, and it's why I haven't left the house in three weeks, because I don't deserve to see the light of day.
                    Many americans think drinking is a good way to curb depression. Sorry, but alcohol is a DEPRESSANT, it's not a happy pill like prozac. All drinking will do is over emphasize your depressing thoughts and your despair, it wont make you feel euphoric or proud to be alive.
                     Clinical depression is fairly common, but it is a relatively short period of your lifetime. It usually only lasts a couple weeks to a month. Feelings of clinical depression happen to everybody. Maybe you stopped being friends with someone, maybe your dog got sick, maybe the Patriots lost the superbowl. It's the kind of stuff you forget about in a week or two.
                      Severe depression lasts years or even a lifetime. For eight years, I've been sitting on my ever expanding ass waiting for my mom and dad to walk through the door. Like I said, I'm nothing more than a hopeless, self pitying, cowardly piece of caterpillar dung but don't worry, this is not one of those pompous, lavish attention on me world suicide notes, I'm content with living, as long as no one knows I exist.
                      My motto is: it's not loneliness if you enjoy your own obscurity. Some of the only things in my life I enjoy is watching the television, eating a mammoths amount of calories, and listening to varying genres of music.
                      To the zero people who will ever read this redundant, rambling blog, I apologize for not generalizing this serious topic more. I just thought it was high time I show off what a bitch crybaby I am. What a mean spirited, spoiled, pampered, monstrously overweight grandma's boy I'll always be.
                       The only person I've seen besides my grandma in weeks was my cousin yesterday. I also saw his dad as he picked him up. And that's how it should be. I don't want to see anybody. If I never leave this house again, it would be only too good for this planet. Though many times I've claimed to be, I'm not special. I'm not talented. I'm not god's gift to music. I'm terrible. My grandma shouldn't waste money feeding me. She's very kind to do it anyway.
                        I know this is never going to be read by another living soul, but I'm saying it either way: depression is really awful. I suppose I'm a depressed individual, but why? Oh boo hoo, I lost my mother eight years ago at the hands of my jerk father. Big deal. People lose their parents everyday. I just use that as an excuse to sit on my ass and lose more and more brain cells every single day.
                        For all my self pity, for all my selfish tendencies, for my gluttonous eating habits, it's no wonder I can't stand the sight of myself. Usually, I will narcissistically stare at my curly hair, but that's it. I despise my ugly, acne vulgaris laden face. I don't deserve all the nice things I own or the care free lifestyle of being a sluggish, pussy couch potato.
                        If my life was the Truman Show, people would barf, shoot their television screens, go wash out their eyes, and say "who would find a gross, arrogant, oafish gorilla sitting around complaining about movies 24/7 entertaining"? Needless to say, the unauthorized pilot on my life wouldn't get picked up for a series. 
                        One more thing: it's far too late for me to start giving two shits about my pointless life, but the rest of you depressed folks out there, don't be. The world isn't a rotten place, you just have to discover the color of it all. No more black and white imagery. You all have things to live for, you just have to find out what suits you best.
                         Me, I'm going to amount to nothing, live in poverty, and hope to God nobody ever depends on me, because I'll just let them down completely. I better never try motivational speaking.

Minimalism(not the art form)

               I don't need the latest gadgets or matierial possessions to be happy. I'm not a cheapskate, I'm still far too wasteful and spend way too much money. I spent over 30 dollars in two days! I rarely explain the photos above, but Buddhist monks dedicate their lives to meditation and own only their clothing.
               Their are many houses throughout the world that are built for minimalists, hence the design of the house in the picture. The bright white is fantastic because minimalism is like communism, no affiliations or rainbow colors are allowed, or at least necessary. I don't have or desire a cell phone, modern video game system, iPad, iPod, or a car.
               When and if I move out of the house all my apartment will have is a mattress, TV, certain food in the fridge, and maybe facewash, shampoo, and toilet paper in the bathroom. I say apartment because a house is too much space for me. I wont be throwing Gatsby style parties or having rugrats, so an apartment is kosher. I'm not a landscaper either, so that provided service will help me make more time for thought.
               Frivolous people I hold nothing against, but I wish to a higher power that they didn't live outside their means so often. Those who go bankrupt, can't afford christmas presents for their children, or spend all their money on BMW's don't know the joy and simplicity of living with the least materials possible.
               This blog is kind of like the couch potato or fro blog, in that I enjoy being a self proclaimed minimalist. I do watch an appalling amount of television, so electric bill wise I'm not in power at all. Many minimalists have only books in their bright white houses. People think minimalists are poor, but they're grossly misinformed. We minimalists are rich in spirit and a lot of times in money.
               We don't lead expensive lifestyles, but we also don't care about money and pity those who work for and worship their dollar bills. I personally wouldn't mind a little financial security, but money still wouldn't be a large deal to me. It's the 5,000 year old buddhist philosophy: don't let possessions rule you, rule yourself. That's profound and I'd prefer ruling myself.
                Bob Marley, the famous Godfather of Reggae music, didn't believe in material possession, and still lived in a small house when he died. He didn't write a will so his vast fortune went to the Jamaican government. I still think being a minimalist is impossible with children, unless you raise them on the values and beliefs of being free of materials and having more time for processing the brain, which is what Marley did with his padawan.
                 I still live with my Grandma, so having furniture, many articles of clothing, and a lot of other worthless junk is unavoidable. I can live without many luxuries, including television, but I'll admit the TV still owns me at this point. Someday I'll break free and truly be a human being, instead of a mindless zombie marching to the high of the television screen. At this point, I make a real minimalist throw up. Once I let everything go, including my "precious" DVD's, I'll be ready.

Thanksgiving

               My favorite holiday is happening next week. Obviously, I love it because it's all about eating and being grateful for the life you've got. My life is about eating, but rarely buffet sized portions, and I love me some buffet, especially Golden Corral or Cici's Pizza. I suppose watching football's a huge part of it too, at least in this country.
                Thanksgiving break was always cool. It's a five day vacation which is very uncommon, not to mention when you're younger you get half days on the Monday and Tuesday leading up to it, which was a huge bonus at that age. Nothing but eating and hanging out with Grandma on Thursday. It will be fun.
                I revile Pumpkin Pie. It tastes like a bitter Gym sock. I love Apple Pie, thanks to Mrs. Kurey's Foods II, so this year I'm asking Grandma if she wouldn't mind baking a Sara Lee Apple pie for me and anyone else who might want it. The five people that may come over probably would love some of the food. I always hog the mashed potatoes because lord help me they're scrumptuous. The turkey is also great. I'm not a veggie guy, so everything else I leave alone.
               Thanksgiving is one of the very few holidays that is celebrated by everybody, no matter their religion or financial status.  That's because there is great universality to this holiday. It has nothing to do with Christ or hebrew slaves, it's very simple: being grateful for the important necessities in your life and sharing a large feast of food that you try your best not to waste.
                We all know the very first Thanksgiving was about the Pilgrims sailing on the Mayflower in 1620 and meeting Native americans on the shore. They all welcome eachother as friends and brothers and share in a feast of harmony. No, it's like Columbus Day, there were a lot of atrocities committed by the european settlers and a lot of tragedies suffered by the Natives, whos population was regularly decimated from brutal slaughterings by the heartless, cold "pilgrims".
                 Of course the Pilgrims all thought it was their land, and those natives weren't getting in the way of their establishing townships and supremacy over this country we all proudly boast as the "United" States of America. To this day, many tribes still lay in ruin and can only rely on casino revenue to survive, but of course Thanksgiving isn't about that. We're all supposed to shut up, eat, and forget all the carnage caused to make this national holiday a reality.
                  The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade is a celebrated part of Thanksgiving also. It is very boring after approximately twenty minutes, watching gigantic balloons float by at a snails pace and a sloths speed. My Uncle would rather watch grass grow than Golf, I'd rather watch Lions sleep at the zoo than the Parade.
                   Scotty McCreery, the American Idol "winner" sang at said parade last year, and he missed his lip sync cue. Everyone found it to be a charming epic fail, but I thought it proved that show is worth the watch that the movie Waterworld was. Wow, I don't care if "everyone" lip syncs at those things, it is a cowards way out.
                   The true working musicians never lip sync, damn it. Hendrix, James Brown, Bob Dylan, Frddie Mercury all did it for real all the time. Even on Thanksgiving, music is of the utmost importance to me, and that Scotty moment make me sicker than a hungover Ed Helms.
                    In conclusion, Thanksgiving is awesome for me, but the true story turned me off a bit. I don't find the parade very interesting, and Scotty McCreery needs to find a more suitable day job, like a mime. I will admit I look forward to this day every year, and I can't wait to devour that table. I could bankrupt a buffet anyday, but my Grandma's table will do next Thursday.

Music?

            A lot of mainstream music has lost its soul. It's not only sad, but tragic. It's all because of youtube that no talent youngsters wind up world famous, filthy rich, or both. We all still have Rebecca Black's "Friday" stuck in our heads, not by choice. Skrillex, enough already. Justin Bieber, Big Time Rush, that Westbrook girl who's trending now, it all makes me want to scream loudly.
            I talked about Linkin Park and their divinity in the music business last post. The industry isn't dead but it's mortally wounded. Rihanna, who's undeniably beautiful, has a lot of catchy singles, but I don't know about purchasing one of her albums. Who knows what her filler tracks sound like? Oh, yeah. She never has those. Every track is a single. No soul on a record like that. What's the point in buying it? Every song is a video on youtube. I'll just go there for Rihanna jamming.
           I'll admit I watched that Rebecca Black video on youtube about 20 times. It was so bad I couldn't stay away. It was back when I had a piece of dirt 10 year old computer too, so I was waiting three minutes for that train wreck to load. The song was dreadful, but that's been said ad nauseum by every internet commenter and blogger. What hasn't been said is that she didn't plan to be hated. We shouldn't hate her. She's just a teenager. Leave her alone. She didn't write the "song". She sang it, that's all.
           Justin Bieber, I know I should stop right here. The guy is too famous. His songs are all the same. Alright, he's a talented dancer and performer, but he's not much of a singer and can't write lyrics or music to save his life. I'm tired of him being in the news. He's not useless or self satisfied like Kim Kardashian, but he needs to disappear for a couple of years. Go to the Bahamas and chill out. No more repetitive music for a while. Please?
           Nickelodeon, what are you doing? Seriously, I know Spongebob is the greatest most iconic thing you've produced, but what happened to your great animated programming? Animal Planet has always had humans, but you guys haven't always had terrible, tacky boy band shows. Naked Brothers Band was bad enough. Big time Rush makes me want to barf up my dinner. They don't have a talented bone in their spray tanned bodies. I really hope they don't reach the undeserved fame levels of Snooki or those ridiculous housewives. If that happens, the mayans were right about 12/21/2012.
            Skrillex, I must say, that is not music. It's just a bunch of noisy clutter taking five to ten minutes out of my life I'll never get back. Dance clubs deserve better than that disgusting excuse for music, even DJ music which is a primitive, worthless life form. I'd rather listen to Jennifer Lopez's On the Floor 100 times in a row before I suffer the nails on a chalkboard of Skrillex again.
             The 60's-90's were the glory decades of the music world. It was all brilliant. Even the hopeless one hit wonders were not only worth a listen, they were inspired, class A songs, mostly. So many brilliant bands who wouldn't even cough up heroin induced blood in the direction of the industry of today, especially those who get high quality music videos and Grammy nominations.
             My god, music needs multiple messiahs because I don't think Kanye West and Linkin Park will be enough. Kanye can't be enough, since he's wasting his semen on a glorified, used up, over inflated, fake ass, untalented porn star. That whole relationship is staged anyway. Kanye, after the Taylor Swift incident I thought you learned your lesson. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy was the best rap record in twenty years. Hopefully when you dump that narcissistic trash you'll have material for another masterpiece. I know you will.
           

Pulp Fiction(this time complete)

             I must confess Pulp Fiction was the first topic I ever covered on Blogger, however, I was a rank amateur and had 3 unfinished drafts of this time testing moving picture put on blogger. Arra gave me a 17/20 which was nice of him because I did terribly. This one's going to rock, however. No it wont.
             This movie is so well made, it gives me faith in humanity. Maybe that's misanthropic, but don't fret, Pulp fiction gives me more hope. Quentin Tarantino is a genius. The way he tells stories. The way his violence is controversial even though there's only a few acts in the movie and most of those acts are off screen. It isn't Hostel or Friday the Thirteenth.
              The cast is incredible. John Travolta's career catapulted back to the top. Uma Thurman's character makes cigarette smoking seem graceful, but snorting the wrong drug wasn't quite so dignified. Samuel L. Jackson gives for my money the best performance in this legendary iconic over analyzed movie as a hit man named Jules transformed by a divine intervention. Bruce Willis is a boxer who didn't throw his fight. As usual he saves the day, but in the least conventional way imaginable.
              People have said it before, but this is worth repeating. The dialogue is incredible. It's not banal, it's not predictable, it's not for the faint at heart, and in no way, shape, or form is it the usual cheesy action flick lines delivered by the boring hero with a dry, cool wit. To pick a best quote would be like sifting through a bag of diamonds looking for the shiniest one. If I ever made a movie this good, I wouldn't try to milk it for years like Buzz Aldrin does from walking on the moon, I would just retire in luxury.
              The stories are beautiful. John Travolta and Sam Jackson as hitmen on a job who wind up having a really long morning after that regular joe carpool conversation leading up to it. John Travolta takes his boss's wife on a "date", but she makes a mistake and he has to get his drug dealer, Lance, to help revive her. Bruce Willis of course doesn't take a dive and almost dies in a forced S&M torture.
             Those are the main ones. There are unforgettable substories such as two robbers in the cold open discussing liquor store robberies being more risky than bank or coffee shop robberies. Christopher Walken tells a young Bruce Willis about the odyssey of his father's gold watch, which when his ditzy wife forgot it, he went back and got it, saw his boss, ran him over, they squabble, and almost die in aforementioned Sadomasochistic hell freakshow.
             This movie is considered the best of the 90's. You really have to see it to believe it. Description doesn't do it justice. This is a piece of gold that no pirate can ever get his scurvy hands on. It belongs to the ages and the critics overwhelmingly lauded it. Metacritic, my bitch lover, assigned it an average score of a 94/100, indicating universal acclaim.
              Too much debate and analysis goes into this film. It certainly isn't overrated, like Blue Velvet was. It is an enjoyable, undeniable classic in the filmmaking world. It isn't a guilty pleasure like any Tim Allen film. Just like Star Wars-Star Trek, there is no debate. Star Wars wins. Pulp Fiction is the greatest film of the 1990's. Enough. End of conversation. Fin. Any questions?